You know what sucks? Getting old. Not like 90 or 100, because for as much as that sucks, it’s also AWESOME to live that long. Like you can’t possibly care what others think once you’ve made a century. Right? Right?!

No, what really sucks is getting old, but not like old old. Like 40. 40 sucks. And everybody knows that 40 sucks. In fact, we know that it sucks SO MUCH that we made a little chart – the happiness curve – all about getting older. And do you know where 40 lies on the curve? At the freakin’ bottom. So if you’re 40-ish, you’re likely at the bottom of the happiness curve.

This could be good news – we can only go up from here. Or it could be bad news – like, how long do I have to suffer?

This is not to discourage all of you “about to turn 40” people out there. I’d rather be 40 than the alternative – you know, dead – but it’s hard on this side of the hill. If you haven’t made it here yet, I’m going to tell you the top reasons why it sucks over here. That way, you can prepare yourself.

The Old, the Odd, and the Annoying: Why Getting Old Sucks

• You’re old, but not old old. Some people look at you normally, but young people start to look at you like“Oh, you’re 40.”  And let me tell you, that look makes you want to hide in your own skin.
• You think you still look like a 30 year old. Spoiler alert: You don’t. 
• You’re not better off in your career. You thought you would be, I know. But you’re not. In fact, you’re nowhere near where the younger you thought you would be at this age. 
• You use phrases like at this age.
• You have to scroll further to choose your age, or for the love of all that is Holy, your birth year. Talk about a direct hit to your confidence.
• You don’t have a lot of money. You never did, but for some reason, you thought you would by this age.
• You have SO much more to share about the world and how it works and what to avoid, but fewer and fewer people really care to listen. 
• Wrinkles, age spots, gray hair. ‘Nuff said.

The Silver Lining (and no, it’s not that gray hair)

Ok, so it’s not allll bad, and we know that, too. There are a lot of good things about getting older. There’s a silver lining that has nothing to do with your hair.

For example, some people really DO listen, and you get to pass on wisdom to those who haven’t climbed the hill yet. 

And even though you no longer look like a 30 year old, you look pretty damn good. (-ish for good measure here. You look good-ish.)

You might not bounce back from a night out as quickly, but you also have less desire to have a night out that needs recovery. 

You’re smarter, but in a way that you could never explain to someone younger. It’s just experience. 

So … yea. There’s some good stuff about the tick tock of the clock.

But overall, getting old sucks. And it doesn’t really matter how many times I tell you about it, you still won’t be prepared. It comes at you fast, and once you get to the top, it goes even faster on the other side. 

If you’re still on the uphill side, take advantage of it. Say yes more often. Make mistakes. Go on trips. Make friends. Do all the things. 

And if you’ve reached the top, take advantage of it. Say yes more often. Make mistakes. Go on trips. Make friends. Do all the things. 

Yes, the advice is the same no matter which side of the hill you’re currently climbing up (or rolling down). 

Buckle up, bitches. We’re coming out of this curve sideways and burning rubber.