It’s easy to look back at any particular time period and think, Oh it was better back then.
Most of the time, it’s not really true. It was different, but that doesn’t always mean better.
But I also think there are things we can learn from each decade. Things we can and should take with us into the future, or rather into the now, that might make life better.
And since the 90s had internet, but it wasn’t in our hands or pockets 24/7, I definitely think there are some aspects of those pre-social media days that could make our lives better right now. In no particular order:
Land lines. For any young people, these are phones that plug into the wall and can’t go with you everywhere on planet earth. Can you imagine being unavailable sometimes? The horror. And the freedom.
iPods/MP3 Players. Music without the internet access. Perfect.
Movie rental places. You had to literally go to the store to pick out and rent a movie. It was an activity. And it was great.
Radio. I know radio still exists, but most people have streaming music. And streaming music is good shit. But the radio would expose you to things you really wouldn’t hear otherwise.
D.A.R.E. Just because it was fun.
Computer labs. We used to walk down to the computer lab at school. No laptops in the classroom, just good old paper and pencil. Going to the computer lab was exciting.
Damn, I miss the 90s. Let’s logoff sometimes, shall we? I think we’d all be happier…
You know what sucks? Getting old. Not like 90 or 100, because for as much as that sucks, it’s also AWESOME to live that long. Like you can’t possibly care what others think once you’ve made a century. Right? Right?!
No, what really sucks is getting old, but not like old old. Like 40. 40 sucks. And everybody knows that 40 sucks. In fact, we know that it sucks SO MUCH that we made a little chart – the happiness curve – all about getting older. And do you know where 40 lies on the curve? At the freakin’ bottom. So if you’re 40-ish, you’re likely at the bottom of the happiness curve.
This could be good news – we can only go up from here. Or it could be bad news – like, how long do I have to suffer?
This is not to discourage all of you “about to turn 40” people out there. I’d rather be 40 than the alternative – you know, dead – but it’s hard on this side of the hill. If you haven’t made it here yet, I’m going to tell you the top reasons why it sucks over here. That way, you can prepare yourself.
The Old, the Odd, and the Annoying: Why Getting Old Sucks
You’re old, but not old old. Some people look at you normally, but young people start to look at you like“Oh, you’re 40.” And let me tell you, that look makes you want to hide in your own skin.
You think you still look like a 30 year old. Spoiler alert: You don’t.
You’re not better off in your career. You thought you would be, I know. But you’re not. In fact, you’re nowhere near where the younger you thought you would be at this age.
You use phrases like at this age.
You have to scroll further to choose your age, or for the love of all that is Holy, your birth year. Talk about a direct hit to your confidence.
You don’t have a lot of money. You never did, but for some reason, you thought you would by this age.
You have SO much more to share about the world and how it works and what to avoid, but fewer and fewer people really care to listen.
Wrinkles, age spots, gray hair. ‘Nuff said.
The Silver Lining (and no, it’s not that gray hair)
Ok, so it’s not allll bad, and we know that, too. There are a lot of good things about getting older. There’s a silver lining that has nothing to do with your hair.
For example, some people really DO listen, and you get to pass on wisdom to those who haven’t climbed the hill yet.
And even though you no longer look like a 30 year old, you look pretty damn good. (-ish for good measure here. You look good-ish.)
You might not bounce back from a night out as quickly, but you also have less desire to have a night out that needs recovery.
You’re smarter, but in a way that you could never explain to someone younger. It’s just experience.
So … yea. There’s some good stuff about the tick tock of the clock.
But overall, getting old sucks. And it doesn’t really matter how many times I tell you about it, you still won’t be prepared. It comes at you fast, and once you get to the top, it goes even faster on the other side.
If you’re still on the uphill side, take advantage of it. Say yes more often. Make mistakes. Go on trips. Make friends. Do all the things.
And if you’ve reached the top, take advantage of it. Say yes more often. Make mistakes. Go on trips. Make friends. Do all the things.
Yes, the advice is the same no matter which side of the hill you’re currently climbing up (or rolling down).
Buckle up, bitches. We’re coming out of this curve sideways and burning rubber.
When I was young, I’d wake up this early so that I could watch Saturday morning cartoons.
Remember what that felt like?
My little brother and I would huddle right in front of the TV as it sang “One Saturday Morning.”
When the sun started to come up, in the warmer months of the year, it would start to smell like fresh cut grass while we watched. The smell would waft through the screen door.
The neighborhood would slowly wake up. It would start with silence and slowly add a noise at a time. We’d hear birds, then cars, then lawn mowers down the street.
We’d watch for hours, unless we had soccer games, in which case, we’d watch as long as we could waiting around in our little YMCA soccer uniforms.
We didn’t know it at the time, but these were core memories. These were little moments in a heaven we wouldn’t understand until we were adults.
And now, my kids wake up to watch Saturday morning cartoons. Sometimes they watch in their little uniforms while waiting on their games.
I didn’t know that Saturday morning cartoons could be so safe. So necessary. So quintessentially childhood.
But here I am, 5 am, reminiscing over childhood cartoons.
LIKE A REAL GROWNUP.
Now, I’m off to do the games on the back of the cereal box.
I’m always trying to do a million things at once. I’ll give you some examples.
My kids are in a hybrid school, which means they go to school half the time and the other half, they’re doing their work at home. On any given “home day,” I may be doing all of the following at one time:
Helping the children with school
Helping my youngest, who is not yet old enough for school
Working on a draft or two for work
Planning for the days that I teach school
Contacting soccer parents because I am a volunteer coach
Planning a children’s play because I am a volunteer director
Trying (and failing) to keep up with the house
This, in no way, includes me time or time with my spouse or even the constant checking of my phone. And then I wonder things like: Why do I feel so anxious? Why can’t I sleep? Why am I unhappy?
Well golly gee, I freaking wonder why….
Honestly, many of you are probably the exact same way. I’d bet money on it.
But I guess, the older I get, the more I wonder: Why the hell do we do this? And more importantly: Can we just stop already?
The first question is easy, at least for me. I do this to myself because I feel inadequate. And so, I try to cram my time with things that I hope make my family successful and happy. And also, I have a very hard time saying no. But that’s a discussion for another day.
I feel bad, so I try harder. And when I try harder, I feel bad. It’s a very ugly cycle.
The second question is harder. Can we just stop already? I think the answer is yes. And even more pressing, I think stopping this already is perhaps the way to a more fulfilled life. We are so very distracted. All the time.
According to Brown University, multitasking increases stress, raises blood pressure, and increases our heart rate. There’s a very long article that I’ve linked above that goes into the details. But the short of it is that multitasking makes us unhealthy.
And yet, here we are. Checking messages, typing reports, schooling children, making plans, and blah, blah, blah.
I’m going to be very honest with you right now: I’ve been working hard to change this about myself. I fail. Often. But I’m also getting better. I’m going to tell you what I’ve been doing in hopes that it might help you, but the very dirty and honest truth is that it’s a switch in the brain. If you’re not ready, it won’t work. But I’ll tell you anyway:
I started shedding things that caused me worry. I don’t actually want to do all of the things that I’m currently doing, so I have been shedding them one by one. It’s a process. A long one. But I do think it’s working.
I started delegating. My kids are old enough to do some of their homework on their own, and they’re old enough to help with the home.
I set goals. I have big goals that I won’t discuss here, but narrowing down my intent has helped so much.
The most important change? I just wanted to change so damn bad that I was willing to try anything. I hit rock bottom, emotionally, so to speak. And that’s the real change.
If you haven’t hit rock bottom (and I hope you haven’t), maybe the things I’m trying will help you. I don’t think we were meant to be distracted all day. I think if we’re working, we should work. If we’re cooking, we should cook. Etc, etc. And yes, of course I know that this isn’t always possible, but good grief, it must be possible sometimes. Right??
I’m going with yes, because any other answer leads to more misery.
And because I’m a hopeful person. Sometimes. When I’m not being pessimistic.
I miss when phones were attached to the wall, but people were free…
Remember what it felt like to answer the phone and ask, “Is so-and-so home?” We don’t have to do that anymore. We just send a text or some other form of instant communication, and BOOM. We’re done.
No more sitting in one place to talk. No more missing a phone call. No more twirling the cord on your fingers. No more satisfying sound of the numbers turning.
No more freedom.
No more disconnecting.
No more putting the phone down.
How sad is that?
Let’s connect the phones and disconnect the people again.
I am sick of being constantly online. Sick of it. I love my stupid phone, and I hate my stupid phone. And I know that my phone is making me miserable, and I’m addicted to it.
You’re probably addicted, too, if we’re all being honest.
And so, I’m trying to change. Deliberately.
When I finally decided to live life just a little less online, the first thing I had to do was figure out HOW. Everything is online. Everything.
I knew that cutting technology cold turkey wasn’t going to be successful. I’d lose access to everything important. I wouldn’t hear updates about school and my kids’ activities. I wouldn’t even be able to look for work. Where was I going to look for new gigs? The newspaper? The newspaper doesn’t even exist in my town anymore.
And to be clear, it wasn’t technology that was the problem anyway. It was the constant connectivity. Social media, constant internet. You know all too well…
So, of course, I flailed for a few days trying to figure it out. Anything that I tried, I either quit immediately, or it didn’t have the impact I was hoping for.
Finally, I tried this one thing. And it gave me the tiniest push forward. Just enough to keep me going.
Ready for the magic? I didn’t reach for my phone first thing in the morning.
I know, groundbreaking, am I right? It’s so simple, but so damn hard to do.
I started as small as I could. When my phone’s alarm went off, I turned it off, checked the time, and put it back down.
I didn’t allow any scrolling. I didn’t open social media. I didn’t read emails or the news. I turned off the alarm and set the phone back down.
In an extremely embarrassing admission, this one thing was really hard.
But I’m not alone. Over 44% of Americans report reaching for their phone AND SCROLLING within ten minutes of waking up. Approximately 80% check their phones within 15 minutes of waking.
I don’t know about you, but those statistics make me sad.
And when I tried this little endeavor, I found that changing the statistics wouldn’t be easy, especially on a large scale.
For me, I was constantly opening social media first thing in the morning only to close it again. I would find myself mindlessly scrolling and then remind myself of the deal. It was an addiction, a habit that was far more ingrained than I liked to admit.
But I kept at it. I still have to “keep at it,” because it’s such a part of what we do.
You might be wondering, what the heck do you do instead? I’ll tell you:
I read a book for a few minutes.
I do a word search (Mine is Snoopy themed!).
I work on a crossword puzzle.
I journal in a prayer journal/gratitude journal.
I write a page of streaming consciousness.
I sit in my rocking chair with a hot cup of coffee.
And to my surprise, these things are extremely satisfying. They wake me up, but much more quietly and calmly than my phone. I don’t feel as stressed or as stimulated. It’s still hard sometimes, but it’s more than worth it.
And research backs this up. Early morning scrolling reduces productivity and builds feelings of negativity. We’re literally starting our days off on the wrong foot — every single day. Because of phone addiction.
Insane.
But you can change it, and I highly encourage you to try.
Take one step: Don’t use the phone first thing in the morning.
I’ll tell you — social media, that’s what’s happened. Suddenly, kids’ birthday parties have to be HUGE. And beige. You have to have giant beige birthday parties that cost a gazillion dollars.
Is anyone else sick of that nonsense? Because I certainly am.
Kids’ birthday parties used to have character. They used to have normal themes. They used to look like the kids actually chose what they wanted instead of the parents. They used to be at skating rinks and bowling alleys and parks. Or just at home. A normal sized home.
Now? They look curated. Perfect. Like a photo op.
Remember when birthday parties were all homemade cakes and paper plates? Remember when parties didn’t have to look like you hired a party planner? Remember when you didn’t have to style every picture, make it picture perfect for social media? Remember when all you got were a few shots between the fun?
I remember.
And just in case you need to hear it, social media is a lie.
Make the homemade cake. Let your kid pick the theme. Use all of the colors. Get the awesome pictures, but the rest of it? Nonsense.
Birthdays were better before social media, just like life.
The average American spends approximately 5 hours and 16 minutes on their phones every day.
EVERY. DAY.
That’s over half of a work day. Insane. And it gets worse.
Did you know that 42% of kids have smartphones by 10 years of age? 10!! Do you know what I was doing at 10 years old? Playing with Barbies. Making potions out of water and leaves and grass. Riding my bicycle at the closest park.
Now, I know that times have changed. I’m not that old. This is not some we walked uphill both ways in the snow kind of essay. I get it. The world is online.
But … is the world really better off because of it?
In some ways, the answer is a resounding YES. For example, I’m at home right now – wee hours of the morning – working. This flexibility has absolutely improved my life. And there are other ways:
Medical information can be found online.
Files and documents can be stored online.
Communication is quick, easy, and efficient.
Finding random information is easier than ever.
Expanding our worldview is a click away.
The online world has opened up so many lives. It’s made us more accessible, more efficient, and given us so many opportunities that wouldn’t have been available otherwise.
But…
Excessive cell phone use has been linked to multiple mental health disorders such as depressive mood disorder, anxiety, and emotional dysregulation.
Now, it’s important to be clear. Not EVERYONE suffers from these issues. Not everyone experiences mental health issues or a decline in self-esteem or any other negative issues. But so many do. So many compare their lives to the filtered, curated, self-selected content they see online.
People like me. And probably you.
There are, of course, factors that make phones better or worse. The earlier phones are introduced, the more damaging. Researchers suggest that for many kids, screens have replaced outdoor play. Kids are literally losing their childhood to screens.
For teens, social media and phones are a way of life. They can’t escape them. And while there are many perks to that fact, can you imagine being bombarded with perfect images as a teenager? With lifestyles that aren’t even real, but certainly seem like it on this side of the screen? Can you imagine making a mistake or doing something stupid – as all teens do – and having it captured FOREVER due to videos and social media posts. They literally can’t escape it.
And even as an adult, we’re faced with influencers in their 20’s in million dollar houses. We’re faced with new story after news story about the economy, the volatility of politics, wars around the world, the climate crisis… It never ends. And while it’s certainly good to be aware of social issues, does it really have to slap us in the face 24/7?
As a whole, we’ve forgotten that life is not on a screen. We certainly live like it is, but it’s not.
You can’t touch and hold and hug and cherish the things you see on a screen.
But you can hug your mom. You can laugh with your friends until you cry. You can play outside and feel the grass on your bare feet. You can watch your kids grow in your NOT-million dollar house and still be blissfully happy. You can use your phone and social media and the internet for what it was intended – efficiency and information. You can put it down and meet your neighbors. You can turn it off and sit outside and watch the rain. You can skip the video and experience the moment in real time. You can read real books and draw on real paper. You can wake up and enjoy the morning without ever touching your phone. You can turn off your phone and live your life instead of watching someone else’s through a screen.
When I was young, I watched Full House every Friday night. I looked forward to it so much. I had to wait a whole week for the next episode.
When the series finale happened, I was so excited! I got home from school, ate, played, and then got in my bed – TV on and turned to the right channel.
And right before it came on, I fell asleep. Missed the whole thing. Cried.
I didn’t get to watch that episode for months.
And you know what I got from the experience?
Patience, dealing with the feeling of disappointment.
A memory, for heaven’s sake.
I won’t have a memory of staying in bed this whole weekend binge watching Netflix.
But when TV didn’t dominate my life? When I looked forward to next week? When missing a show meant more waiting?
Maaaannnn, the memories are so good.
Maybe we don’t need to be so satisfied all the time.
Maybe a little waiting would do us all some good.
Maybe an old black and white TV and old-school commercials is all we need to feel whole again.
When I was a kid, my parents would go places and I couldn’t even get in touch with them. If I needed them, I couldn’t call or text them. I couldn’t find their location using an app, couldn’t facetime them. I would have to call the store or wherever they were, or I would have to wait for them to come home.
Can you believe that?
I don’t even know how we survived.
Constant accessibility is actually a really modern concept. And good grief, is it exhausting.
It’s no wonder that, in 2024, the #38 most googled question is: How do I delete instagram? And number #53: How do I delete my facebook account?
We’re addicted to the likes and the constant notifications, no doubt, but dare I say, we’re getting a little sick of it.
I know I am.
But more than getting sick of it, I think it might be killing us.
According to a study at Yale, social media use in teens literally changes the brain. In 2023, the American Psychological Association issued a health warning advising against the use of social media.
And yet … we just keep on using it. I, myself, am included in this group. I am fully aware of the impact of social media on my own mental health, but I just keep using it.
Why? FOMO. We can’t stand the thought of being left out.
And to make matters worse, even when we’re not staring at our feeds on social media, we’re still CONSTANTLY connected.
This morning, I saw posts about breakfast, laundry, and birthday parties. I saw rants about TRUMP and theories about how BIDEN is a clone. I watched people hurry to church just to sit through the entire thing on their phones.
My own phone has dinged and vibrated at me with notification after notification. And even when I swear I’m not going to look this time, I eventually reach for the phone.
If people want to get in touch with me, they text. And they expect a response within the next few minutes. If I don’t respond, or dare I forget, I’m considered rude. All because I wasn’t constantly available.
The facts about our constant connection are actually quite alarming.
Americans check their phones, on average, 144 times per day.
But aside from checking those little dings, we use our phones an average of 4.5 hours per day.
It’s estimated that more than 5 billion people send and receive text messages, 95% of which are read and responded to within five minutes.
We are slaves to our phones.
Can you imagine being a teenager in today’s world? Being bombarded with the newest trends and being expected to keep up? Having your EVERY move recorded? When I was a teen, I made a TON of stupid mistakes, and I can only thank the heavens that they weren’t caught on the internet. Forever. These poor kids …
Do I expect this to change? Not at all. Although there has been a recent push for the dumb phone – because maybe we really are tired of being constantly connected.
Maybe we really aren’t interested in being available 24/7. Maybe instant gratification isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Maybe we want to breathe without the constant pressure of availability.
MAYBE WE SHOULD DO BETTER FOR THE KIDS. Maybe we should turn it all off and forget the horrible experiment that is social media. We won’t. But maybe we should.
And now, just in case you really want to take the plunge …
Click your profile picture in the top right of Facebook.
Select Settings & Privacy, then click Settings.
If Accounts Center is at the top left of your Settings menu, you can delete your account through Accounts Center. If Accounts Center is at the bottom left of your Settings menu, you can delete your account through your Facebook Settings.
I probably won’t delete my social media just yet, although I do think about it often. I miss the days of answering machines and rotary phones. And blogs like this one. I miss having to wait for some things. Constant connectivity is exhausting. Social media is slowly killing us from the inside out. Maybe pick up a book and a coffee and a good meal today … and don’t tell the world about it.
More in the bottom left, then click Settings
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